Sonu Kumar Kushwaha

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. When you make a positive impact on another person’s life, you attract the same from others because what we give out, we receive. Every one of us can look back upon people who have made a huge impact on our lives.  They could be teachers, relatives, work colleagues or friends. Perhaps they simply set an example, or did something practical just because they cared.  They didn’t expect anything in return and probably didn’t realise the effect they were having. You probably thought (and still think) ‘what a great person’. Now it’s your turn. ■ Take an active interest in others. ■ When you focus your attention on others rather than yourself, you make them feel better and raise their self-esteem. ■ And every time you contribute to raising another’s self-esteem, you simultane- ously raise your own to at least the same degree. ‘Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on other...

The important thing is not what they think of me; it is what I think of them. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to go through life without ever being criticised?  Perhaps, but this is not possible. Employers, spouses, children, parents, friends and col- leagues will all criticise you from time to time.  You probably can’t stop them, but you can learn to handle it. Your attitude to criticism is heavily influenced by your experiences as a child; critical parents tend to raise either critical or defensive children.  Only those with very low opinions of themselves are easily hurt or embarrassed by criticism, but if you have confidence in yourself you aren’t unduly worried by it.  You realise that people who constantly criticise others usually feel bad about themselves, and are projecting their low self-esteem onto others. The inability to accept a compliment is another sign of low self-esteem.  People lacking in confidence often regard compliments wit...

Too often our behaviour is dictated by obligation to others; in the process, we forget the primary obligation: to be ourselves. Standing up for yourself – assertiveness – means expressing yourself clearly, staying true to your needs and values, while at the same time respecting the dignity of others. Assertiveness is not to be confused with arrogance, rudeness and being unrealistic in your expectations of others. Confident, well-adjusted people have no need to brag, or be overbearing. When you know how to stand up for yourself you deal with situations, including the most difficult, effectively. You are unlikely to be steamrollered into anything against your will. Remember, you get treated the way you teach others to treat you. Assert yourself and you gain others’ respect.  Your relationships are more sincere, because everyone understands you perfectly.

The art of listening involves all of our being. You’d be amazed how much more confident you feel when you’re a good listener. You find you can handle business and social situations confidently. The art of good communication can be summarised in four points: ■ Be a good listener so you truly understand what others say to you. Good listening earns genuine respect and admiration, and is one of the secrets of popularity. ■ Have something good to say. Boring people make boring conversation. ■ Express yourself well. Use colourful, descriptive language. Make your con- versation sound interesting. ■ Appeal to the emotions. There’s a wise saying: The head never hears until the heart has listened. Become a good listener and you’ll gain a reputation as a good conversationalist without having to say very much at all.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. Begin it now. Welcome every opportunity. To build confidence you will occasionally have to push yourself to do things you don’t feel like doing and put yourself on the line. Of course taking risks invites failure, but that’s OK.  You can’t expect to sail through life without coming a cropper sometimes, it’s a natural part of human experience.  Babies learning to walk topple over many times. As adults we too will fall, recover our balance and get back on our feet again.  Nobody gets everything right all the time. Go on – take a risk (you know you want to)! If it feels uncomfortable it’s only because you’re not used to it.  Change always feels uncomfortable at first, because your past conditioning tries to hold on to your old ways.  Confident people don’t always succeed, but they do always enjoy trying and they don’t feel any less a person if ...

It’s a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything less than the best, you very often get it. If you don’t love yourself you’ll have no sense of self-worth, and no feeling of acceptance or belonging. Some people think it’s a sin to love yourself. They consider those who love them- selves to be selfish, conceited and rather unpleasant.  But they’re mistaken.  They confuse self-love with false pride and narcissism (being in love with yourself) which is quite a different matter.  Vanity and arrogance are usually a form of bravado engaged in by people who love themselves too little and are trying to cover it up. The belief that you need to be different from how you are in order to be loved causes a great deal of misery.  Unless you are happy within, you’ll never be truly satisfied with what you do.  Loving yourself unconditionally is the key to happiness.  But you don’t have to be perfect: the most loved person in the wo...

Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. When I believe I can, I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.                                               - Mahatma Gandhi Most of our beliefs have their origins in childhood conditioning and our cultural background: they were absorbed without any effort on our part. Others were acquired as we matured and learned to interpret the world for ourselves. A belief is a collection of thoughts that we accept as true. Your beliefs affect everything you do: ■ Confident people believe they can be whatever they want to be and accom- plish anything they choose. Even if their goals seem far off, they believe that everything is eventually attainable. ■ Believing you cannot do something makes you incapable o...

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. When you set yourself a goal, even if you’ve never thought about it before, you unleash powerful mental forces. Practical goals build confidence and put you more in control of your life. Why do clear, realistic goals make such a difference? 1. They clarify your purpose. 2. They show you’re serious about achieving. 3. They stimulate excitement, anticipation, energy and enthusiasm. 4. They help to keep your mind on what you want. Goals impress your desires on the subconscious, heighten your awareness and highlight opportunities you may previously have missed. 5. They prompt you to acquire new knowledge and skills. 6. You discover reservoirs of imagination and creativity you previously didn’t realise you had. When President Kennedy challenged America to put a man on the Moon within a decade and return him safely to Earth, learned eyebrows were raised because the technology needed did not e...

If you are committed to your personal growth, you must have some quiet time to yourself every day. Make it a priority. Breathing is the key to instant calmness and relaxation. Attention to your breath helps you to become aware of your body, focuses your concentration and brings your mind back to the present. Calmness and confidence are very closely related, and they start with physical relaxation.  When your body is relaxed, your mind is calmer and clearer, you are more in control of your emotions and better able to relate to others.  Physical relaxation and mental calmness help you cope with stressful situations, release unrealistic fears and anxieties, and improve concentration and creativity. To acquire these benefits for yourself, you must practise: 1. Entering a peaceful, deeply relaxed state so that you can recharge your bat- teries. Make the most of techniques such as autosuggestion, mental rehearsal, anchoring and reframing. 2. Instant calme...

A vigorous walk will do more for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. Getting in shape physically is a wonderful way of building your confidence and self-image.  It’s not easy to feel confident if you’re overweight, and exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. Health and fitness are just like any other areas of life: get the causes right and the effects come right too.  This means, for instance, sensible eating, good breathing and posture, regular exercise and plenty of laughter and relaxation. The recipe for better health, maximum energy, minimum illness and an extended lifespan has a familiar ring to it: ■ Choose fitness: make it your intention to be healthy. ■ Think health and fitness. ■ Imagine yourself in peak condition. ■ Act ‘as if’ you want to be as fit and healthy as possible. A poor diet lowers the body’s resistance to disease, drains it of energy and inhibits the efficient wo...

Never grow old in your mind. Your true age is how you feel inside. Self-acceptance means acknowledging that you are as you are and being comfort- able with it.  It doesn’t necessarily mean liking every aspect of yourself. Some attributes can’t be changed, and you may as well accept them right now. Take your age. You can disguise it, lie about it, try to hide it, but you can’t change it. Similarly, you can do little about your gender (without going to drastic lengths), your race, height, eye colour etc. You also have little chance of transforming the way the world works, society in general and other people.  But you can find a way of making the best of yourself, by: ■ becoming better informed ■ acquiring new skills ■ changing unwanted habits ■ handling relationships and problems more effectively. But bear in mind, self-acceptance does not mean giving up on yourself.  If some disliked aspect of yourself is important and can be changed, do somet...

You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time. The past lives on only in your thoughts. It is dead, but you’re not. You’ll grow in confidence only if you are willing to let go of the past, learn from it, and move on. No matter what has gone before, your future, and how you feel about it, will be a direct result of what you do from now on.  It is being shaped right now, moment by moment, as the consequences of your desires, thoughts, dreams, actions and words begin to crystallise. Stop talking about the past, especially mistakes and misfortunes. If you catch yourself breaking this rule, change the subject. Reframing is a way of changing how you feel about past events that still trouble you: 1. Relax your body. Still your thoughts. 2. Go back to an event which left its mark on you and get in touch with all the emotions you felt at the time. 3. Now reframe it. Run the scene through in y...

Parents’ and teachers’ words and sayings can stick in the mind for many years. The truth is, children simply do not have the ability to distinguish between fair and unfair criticism, or make allowances if the adults in their lives have had a hard day. When you pleased your parents, or other adult authority figures, they rewarded you: they gave you attention and approval. When you displeased them, they showed their disapproval by withdrawing attention or privileges or, in some cases, punishing you physically.  The means by which a person moulds the behaviour of another using a combination of reward and punishment is termed conditioning.  Very few young people reach adulthood without having their confidence dented in some way. Once you understand your conditioning you can unravel the knots, dispense with the ropes that tied you down and leave them behind forever.

Try a thing you haven’t tried before three times: once to get over the fear, once to find out how to do it, and a third time to find out if you like it or not. Knowing others is intelligence.Knowing yourself is true wisdom.Mastering others is strength.Mastering yourself is true power. Which of these phrases best describes how you feel about your childhood? ■ I had a very happy childhood. ■ My childhood was quite happy. ■ It was OK, neither happy nor unhappy. ■ My childhood was not very happy. ■ I had a miserable childhood. Why did you choose that particular phrase?

First I dream my painting. Then I paint my dream. Creative imagery is the process of consciously creating a mental image or impression as a means of influencing the all-important subconscious mind. Techniques for creative imagery are best used when the body is relaxed and the mind is calm.  They are also effective whenever you feel naturally dreamy, such as first thing in the morning, last thing at night and when daydreaming,  because the mind is in a natural state of heightened awareness at these times. When willpower conflicts with the imagination, imagination prevails. Always. Our imagination will stretch to any scenario, but people lacking in confidence usually imagine themselves as failures. They do not realise that they cannot suc- ceed at anything if they cannot imagine themselves doing so. How you imagine yourself may bear no relation to the truth, but it is this, rather than the reality, which governs your feelings and behaviour.  Chan...

Unless there be correct thought, there cannot be any action, and when there is correct thought, right action will follow. Now it’s time to take a close look at how you think. As the greatest and wisest teachers have always taught, improving the quality of your thoughts improves your life almost immediately: ■ The Bible quotes King Solomon: ‘As a man thinketh, so shall he be.’ ■ The Buddhist text, The Dhammapada, states: ‘We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.’ ■ The Greek philosopher Socrates said, ‘To find yourself, think for yourself.’ When you think like a confident person, you automatically feel more confident and act more confidently.  Positive thinkers are the happiest and most successful. Sometimes all it takes to change your life forever is a single thought! Humans are not robots: you can intentionally choose how to think, and if you are serious about building your confidence you ...

‘If you head towards your goal with courage and determination, all the powers of the universe will come to your aid.’ Determination is perhaps the quality that underpins all success.  No one gets very far without it.  If you’ve lacked confidence for years it won’t change overnight without determination on your part. Every choice you make – including the choice to become more confident – is a result of weighing up the balance of ‘pleasure’ and ‘pain’. When faced with a decision you consciousIy or subconsciously weigh up the alternatives and their consequences.  You ask yourself: ■ What are the advantages of pursuing this course of action? If I go ahead, what will be the probable rewards? How much ‘pleasure’ will it bring? Are there any disadvantages? How much ‘pain’? ■ If I do not go ahead, how much ‘pain’ will I avoid? And how much ‘pleasure’ am I likely to forego? For example, learning a new skill potentially brings many future benefits, b...

To change one’s life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions. No excuses. Building confidence takes time, patience and effort.  You will have to take a few risks.  At times you will feel anxious. How can you motivate yourself to put up with the discomfort and persevere? We humans are motivated by: ■ A want or need which induces tension. Only if these are unsatisfied can there be motivational power. ■ Perceptions of ‘pleasure’ and ‘pain’. We seek pleasure and are driven by a desire to avoid pain. ■ Hopes and expectations that we can get what we want, and that everything will come right in the end. The strongest motivation comes from a passionate desire for something pleasurable, coupled with the avoidance of pain. The best way to motivate yourself is to set yourself some worthy goals, find plenty of reasons why you want to accomplish them, and keep in mind the Consequences of failure – which is what you are about to do.

A man who doubts himself is like a man who enlists in the ranks of the enemy and bears arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by being the first to be con- vinced of it.’ CONFIDENCE IS CRUCIAL TO A HAPPY AND FULFILLING LIFE.  It influences your success at work, your family life, relationships and leisure activities. It affects your performance in everything you do.  A belief in oneself is without doubt the greatest asset of all. Even great wealth and fame can’t compen- sate for a poor self-image. People who lack confidence and self-belief always underachieve. They’re less adventurous and less likely to get the most out of life. They’re more prone to a variety of stress-related problems, including anxiety, eating disorders and mental health problems.  Low self-esteem is the fundamental cause of most family break- ups, poor parenting and relationship problems. In addition, much crime is associated with drug abuse, unemployment, poverty and ...

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.  Fall seven times, stand up eight.  Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.  Words should be weighed, not counted.  If you can’t live longer, live deeper.  Do good and throw it in the sea.  Where love reigns, the impossible may be attained.  It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.  A man who uses force is afraid of reasoning.  Still waters run deep.  He who does not travel, does not know the value of men.  The night rinses what the day has soaped.  Measure a thousand times and cut once.  A spoon does not know the taste of soup, nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom.  The most beautiful fig may contain a worm.  Change yourself and fortune will change.  In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek.  Evil enters like a needle...

The name  ‘India’ is derived from  the river Indus. It is a valley around which people settled in earlier times.  India is the  world’s oldest, largest and continuous civilization  – the Indus Valley civilization.  India is also one of the  largest democracies  in the world.  India has the  largest postal system  in the world with more than 150,000 post offices, which is thrice the size of that of China.  India has more than  300,000 active mosques . This outnumbers any other country in the world, even the Muslim countries.  The  second largest pool of engineers  and scientists is from India.  India is the  second largest English speaking country  in the world – 125,344,737  numbers of English speakers.  India has  the world’s largest Hindu population.  Nearly  79.8%  of its population iden...